Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Fight with courage, win with style.
Fails without tears, determination is all that counts.
touched
pls read on.. this story is realli touching..
"I have this special friend named John.
He was very sweet and caring.
He always checked on me and treated me
a 'special' person. Suddenly I realized,
I was falling for him.
On March 14, he proposed to me and we
became a couple. He remained sweet and
loving to me. Every 14th of the month he would
say, "Cheska, I have to tell you something..." but
will not continue it and say it was nothing.
I became curious, was he about to break up
with me? But I continued to trust him. our
graduation is coming -- on March 14, 4 years later.
I knew that after this night, my family and I
would be leaving for the states.
We knew this time would come, and I never
expected it to hurt so much. But I have to go and
leave him. We promised to stay in touch and never
forget each other.
he gave me a box of chocolates, flowers,
pictures of us together and a locket. and so, I left
with memories of John in my heart. We always
e-mailed each other and communicated. I told him
how I loved life here, I partied every Friday with my
friends, went shopping...I was living the life I
always wished I had.
But I was never able to read John's last
letter because of my hectic schedule.
I promised myself to read it when I
found the time. Then suddenly, it
stopped (his letters and e-mails). I was
wondering why he isn't writing to me anymore.
But I understand maybe he has work to do.
He didn't even greet me on March 14.
After several months still without
communication, I found time to
read his last letter and it was the most
shocking moment in my life --
---
Cheska,
This is my last letter to you. remember when I
was supposed to tell you something important but
was never able to do so?
I wanted to tell you that my "moment" (it means
death) is March 14, exactly 1 year later after
you left and 5 years after I proposed to you. That
was what the doctor said. I have this sickness,
I forgot what it was called. All I know is that I'm
going to die soon.
I'm not telling you to come back after reading this
letter, I just wanted to let you know that I will always
love you and that forever you will be in my heart.
I love you Cheska. Thank you for changing
me. Thank you for everything.
Goodbye I'm gonna miss you...
Lots of love,
John
---
I wanted to cry and shout his name. March 14
was 3 months ago! He died 3 months ago!
And I never knew because I was so busy enjoying
my life here when someone I loved so much was
suffering from an unidentified sickness.
Up to this day I still feel guilty, I could have been
right beside John when he was ill,
but I was here partying and eating my heart out.
I was so guilty. He died. John died.
Until his last breath he wanted to be with me.
But I wasn't there.
I went back to the Philippines and visited his
grave.
In it was written, "To John, who loved Cheska
so much, may he forever rest in peace" And he
died on March 14.
March 14, when this day comes, I cry,
laugh, think and feel guilty, this day I feel
mixed emotions. I hate myself.
Why do I have to read his last letter when it
was too late? Why do I have to
leave anyway?
These questions keep going on my mind. But I
can do nothing now. John is up there. I guess he
wanted me to be happy. I still love John. And I
miss him so much....
He handed her 12 roses, 11 real and 1 fake and
said, "I'll love you till the last one dies.""
-adapted from friendster bulletin
----------------*************--------------------
i think i dun deserve to love anyone.
i dun hav to courage to sacrifice so much for a person.
i'm selfish, i would contribute little but expect receive more.
i wan to be loved but i think i will feel uncomfortable with too much of love showered upon me.
i need freedom but i wan to feel my partner close to me at all times.
that is too much to ask for.
i think i'm hopeless.
anchored dreams found her destiny 18:44
